im sUffering

Sila baca dengan nada yang betul

Again, I was crying like hell on my bed. I can’t remember when was the last time I slept without tears. Crying is good haa aiena? Em. I’m wondering if my tears is a stressful tears or it just a tears from a little girl who doesn’t know why she is crying. Don’t have to mention exactly why I’m crying. It’s enough to give a point here that I cry for the one I love, who doesn’t know how to appreciate me.

Pity me

He was destined to be my friend. I knew him when I was in form3 but we had become close when we were in form4. Yeah… everyone said that we are good together but there is nothing between us. He said that he loves me but I think it’s better if I give myself some time to know him better. I opened up my heart for him after 2 years. I thought 2 years is enough for me to know him. I thought I already knew him very well. I guess I was wrong. Our relationship stands only for a few days. He was cheating on me.

Can you imagine how suffer am I ???

Since that, tears had become my best friend ever. I cry every day. Every night is that enough to show that ‘yes , I’m suffering. I’m too suffered. So far, I can bear with all the tears but the worst part is, I have to pretend that I’m ok. Still laugh. Still enjoy my day but deep inside, this thing, this feeling, was killing me.

Killing me softly

But I’m glad that I’m quite strong not to ruined my life, my SPM, my future.
I forgive him when he asked for my apology. Is that a mistake? We become friend again and again he said that he still loves me. [how dramatic my story is]. Until one day, he said something that really3 hurts me and I was like ‘ok3, this is enough. It’s over’ . yeah, he likes to hurt me. He hurts me so much but then, no matter how much wrong that he done to me, I will forgive him. Still care n still him…
Now, it’s been a week I didn’t hear his anything about him. Gosh! I miss him damn much! He sent me a messages but it just me who are too ‘egois’. I try to avoid him. Just want to make him realize that he can’t do anything that he want just because he know I loves him, just because he knows I will forgive him.
I keep telling myself that I loves him even I don’t know what loves is. So, I have to stand with all this, with all this feeling. I’m willing to make a fool of myself because of him. Is that love? I break my own rules because of him. Is that we called love? I cry for him! Is that a true love?
If you’re in my situation, what will you do? Delete all his pictures? Are we will be ok by doing that? Or we should think something that annoying about him so that we can hate him?. Forget him? Nahh… forgetting him is the hardest thing. But what else can I do right?
If I have to do a sacrifice to make things become like it used to be, yeah… I will do that. I realize that sometimes love is not a matter of being together but sometimes love is about letting go…

nabilla